My artist daughter, Sheri, recently presented me with an invaluable gift. It’s a brilliant renderning of a breath-taking scene and profound experience from August 2020. The story behind the painting compounds its beauty and meaning.
It had been ten months since the death of my wife, Linda. She had lived with the ravaging losses of dementia for at least a decade. Still adjusting to the loss of her presence, I was spending time at our home at Lake Junaluska, a place filled with joyful memories.
All the stages of grief were still in play, with varying degrees of intensity. Those who have experienced the loss of a spouse know that the grieving doesn’t follow a clear linear path. It zigs and zags, dips and spikes, ebbs and flows, with shattering sadness always nearby.
On that August morning five years ago, sorrow jarred me awake before dawn. It was one of those anxiety dreams, the details of which dissipated as I awoke. After drinking my morning coffee, I headed for a predawn walk around beautiful Lake Junaluska. As I walked westward peering into the fading darkness, the first glimmers of the new day began to peek from behind the hills behind me.
I turned toward the emerging light that began dispelling the night’s darkness.Gradually, bursts of brilliant radiance pushed through the fluffy clouds and greeted the mists gathering over the serene water’s gentle waves. The lingering shadows of night receded and the emerging light and beauty pointed toward the promise of a new day.
Awe snapped my grieving soul to attention. The haunting grief from a lost yesterday was wrapped in a new garment of pervasive beauty, relentless love, and renewed hope. Though loss and grief lingered, I felt part of something much bigger than personal loss. I was reminded that I am a participant in creation’s rhythmic dance of darkness and light, holding on and letting go, death and resurrection.
Wanting to capture the experience, I snapped a photo with my phone camera. The picture became the background for subequent blog posts. However, something was missing from the photo. It couldn’t capture the LOVE and belonging that accompanied the experience.
But the LOVE absent from the photo permeates the painting done by one birthed and nurtured by Linda. Sheri and her sister, Sandra, embodied that LOVE as they accompanied Linda and me on the “long goodbye;” and they continue to generously share that LOVE with me and others.
The painting has become a constant reminder of the LOVE, BEAUTY, and HOPE to which creation itself testifies.
Shifting Margins 
What a beautiful reflection. Thank you for sharing. All who have experienced such grief are able to relate. God bless you as you continue your journey through grief.
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So wonderful. What a special gift.
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Ken,
thank you for sharing this beautiful story and spectacular painting!
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Thank you, Paul. I hope you are doing well!
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Dear Ken –
How perfectly beautiful – in SO many ways. The thread of love that has bound your family together continues to stitch itself into the fabric that bound you and Linda when you met. Your daughters and grandchildren are an extraordinary expression of that love, Godās endless, enduring love. Thank you for sharing.
I have always felt that Lake Junakuska was/is my spiritual āhomeā because my family went there for Conference from the year I was born, possibly longer. I always sense Godās presence there like no other place Iāve ever been. Now I will have another treasure to add to my collection of memories.
Warmly in Christ –
Polly
Polly Ailor Tullock
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Thank you, Polly, for your kind response! Junaluska is home to our family. I maintain our house there and will return this week for some quiet/reflection/writing time. Daughter Sandra and her husband, Kyle, are there this weekend. I am remembering your wonderful parents with profound gratitude. I hope you are doing well!
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Dear Ken –
Laurens and I have had quite the year. He was diagnosed with tongue/throat cancer last January. We both were completely surprised. But God has provided for us – even long before his diagnosis. Iāll try to be brief. He had 7 1/2 hour surgery at Vanderbilt in early March to remove the tumor. Our surgeon was/is truly a gift from God and his whole team has become a part of our family and prayer life. Unfortunately they were unable to get a āclean marginā in one small area so he had Proton therapy – 40 sessions from May through late June. Again, the most extraordinary team of care providers.
Each step of the way I prayed to be Godās salt and light only to experience Godās salt and light from countless people. He has come through both treatments with no side effects which is nothing short of miraculous. He can taste, swallow, has full energy and looks wonderful. As I say ā if you didnāt know – you wouldnāt know!ā We both agree that this has been one of the most amazing experiences of our lives. We have seen and felt the miraculous hand of God in ways that are so profound and humbling.
We still have one more step to complete before yearās end. As Laurens was prepping for Proton therapy for his tongue/throat cancer he was also diagnosed with prostate cancer. He had to wait to fully recover from the first Proton treatment before going through the second. He is taking hormone therapy in the interim and will begin that on Monday, September 8th. In the interim we are going to Alaska for a 3 week trip we planned o er a year ago. We will celebrate our 40th anniversary and my 70th birthday we a new sense of joy and deep gratitude.
God has been faithful. Yes, it has been terrifying, exhausting and overwhelming. But we have been wrapped in so much prayer, love and support. We know ALL things work for Godās good – and His glory.
Thanks be to God. And thank you again for your beautiful story.
Blessings –
Polly
Polly Ailor Tullock
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Dear Ken,
It’s been a long time since we’ve connected–don’t know if you remember me at Duke Divinity. But I appreciate the many insights about life and its ongoing losses that you have shared. It is heart-breaking to hear about your wife’s death ten months ago–or maybe longer by now. It is hard to say this well, but sharing your experiences is very moving. Thank you for your valuable life and for your many insights that many of us witnessed…….prayers for your ongoing grief and loss. best, Mary Fulkerson
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Dear Mary,
I remember you with great fondness and gratitude! Co-teaching with you the class, Prophetic Ministry: Shaping Communities of Justice, was one of the greatest honors of my life. I am deeply moved by your kind words of affirmation. I am remembering the dinner with you and Bill, Fred Eddie and his wife, and Linda and me. Much has happened in the intervening years, but my appreciation, admiration, and care for you remains steadfast. With love and gratitude, Ken
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Such beautiful reminders: two daughters and a constant view of morning. Your words are reminders to many of us!Sent from my iPhone
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Thank you for sharing your heart! š
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