COVID-19 casualties, counted and uncounted, are mushrooming and getting closer to home!
Our family had a scare last week. Sandra, my daughter, is a social worker in a skilled nursing facility. She was exposed to the virus and developed familiar symptoms. We all anxiously waited three days for the test results. Fortunately, she tested NEGATIVE.
Among the many uncounted casualties are those who live and work in nursing homes like the one where Sandra serves and the one across the street from me.
Sandra eagerly returned to work Monday. She loves her work, her colleagues, the residents and their families.
I live on the campus of a beautiful continuous care retirement community. Across the street is the nursing facility, where approximately 140 residents are cared for by a dedicated team of caring staff members.
I see family members come to the windows of their loved ones and press their hands against the pane. I watch as staff members arrive for their long shifts and leave exhausted. I hear the sirens of emergency vehicles arriving and realize someone is in crisis.
But this is only a microcosm of the realities in the approximately 15,000 nursing homes in the United States where 1.4 million people are cared for by approximately 1,663,000 employees.
Only a small percentage of the residents in nursing homes have the COVID-19 virus. However, many residents are showing increasing signs of depression and failure to thrive as the result of isolation from loved ones.
Family members are growing increasingly stressed and frustrated by the imposed guidelines and policies.
I wonder if the confusion and agitation of those with Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia is intensifying.
Family members of those nearing death plead to be permitted to keep vigil beside the bed of their spouse and/or parent. Thousands are dying with only the staff present to comfort them. I can only imagine the added pain of family members as they now grieve without having had the opportunity to hold their loved one’s hand and whisper “I love you” as a final goodbye.
The medical staff, social workers, and administrators are caught between regulatory guidelines and policies and the relational needs of residents and families. They are taking on added responsibilities way outside their job descriptions: administrators substituting as beauticians and CNAs; social workers becoming conflict mediators and surrogate family members; chaplains sweeping floors and delivering meals; housekeepers assisting with bathing and feeding.
I would like to help. My ability to respond is limited. After all, I’m in the vulnerable age group myself. But I’ve decided that I can do something:
- I can wear my mask and observe the CDC guidelines so that I don’t add to the workload of healthcare workers, or spread the disease to others.
- I can pray each day for the staff and residents and the family members, and I now consider each siren a call to prayer.
- I can walk past the windows with my dog, Millie, and wave at the persons inside.
- I can speak and write words of appreciation to the staff and not complain if I am inconvenienced by their preoccupation with their added workload.
- I can communicate with legislators for more attention and resources for the frail elderly, including nursing homes.
- I can call and/or write to family members I know who are caring for frail persons.
- I can plant and cultivate flowers in my own lawn that are visible to the residents and staff, providing some glimmer of beauty.
- I can make an added contribution to agencies that advocate and serve the frail elderly.
- I can work for systemic changes in attitudes toward and treatment of the elderly, especially the most frail.
And, we all can “love our neighbor as ourselves,” including our neighbors who live and work in nursing homes and their families. They, too, are victims of COVID-19.
A religious expert asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?” (Luke 10:29) Jesus asked the man at the end of telling the Good Samaritan story, “Which of these three would you say was a good neighbor to the man attacked…?” (Luke 10:36) Seems the point is not who is my neighbor, but what kind of a neighbor am I to everyone? Thank you, Jesus, for showing us how to be and share compassion at all times, but especially in this time. Thank you, Rev. Carder, for living it out in your own “backyard” and sharing inspirational ideas for all of us to engage in our own “backyards”.
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This is such a helpful post, Ken. I found myself caught up in your experience, as we experience something similar. Our daughter has been working as an interim director of a shelter in Chicago since January and has worked to keep guests and staff safe — despite a couple of outbreaks. Yes, she too is being tested.
We can help, even in our current situations — your suggestions are a gift.
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Thanks, my friend!