Wedding anniversaries are times of celebration of shared commitments, treasured memories, and common experiences.
But what if disease has erased the shared memories and eliminated once-treasured experiences? How does one celebrate something that is no longer remembered?
Sunday, June 30, will mark the 58th anniversary of our wedding. How do Linda and I celebrate when she has forgotten the multiple threads binding our lives together for six decades?
The celebrating will be done primarily by me. I now hold the commitments and memories. I will rejoice and give thanks on her behalf since she cannot cognitively comprehend the significance of the day.
I will remember, rejoice, and give thanks for both of us. I will celebrate her love expressed in
- countless tender acts of intimacy, support, kindness, and helpfulness;
- birthing and nurturing our two loving and devoted daughters;
- generous and gracious hospitality extended to all;
- encouraging me when I failed and correcting me when I erred;
- loving me in sickness and in health, in joyful times and in times of grief.
So, I celebrate and give thanks for all Linda has done as acts of love. Now that she can no longer do, I rejoice and give thanks for simply who she is. I celebrate her very being!
Yes, she has changed! So have I! I love her for who she has been, who she is, and who she will become.
Disease has not changed her being, only her doing. Even if she no longer remembers me, I remember her!
Now Linda’s love is in the form of receiving my care, affection, and devotion. Love, after all, is like a dance. Sometimes one leads; at other times, one follows.
Whether leading or following, giving or receiving, we are participating in the Triune God’s eternal dance of love. In so doing, love grows richer, deeper, wider, and purer!
Thank you, Linda, for the privilege of sharing with you in the dance of love for all these years. And, the dance goes within the rhythm of God’s boundless Love.
Shifting Margins 
A beautiful tribute to your wife and marriage.
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Thank you, Jane!
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Ken, Marti and I send so much love to you and Linda!
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Thank you!
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A beautiful expression of love. Thank you for sharing it.
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Thank you Bishop Carder. A wonderful reminder of the power of love. Blessed Anniversary to you both.
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Thank you, James!
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Thank you for stepping out and leading the dance party Ken. We’re lifted by the music of committed love.
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Thank you, Carol! Blessings to you!
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I can share what you are going through. My husband Bill and I were married 50 years on May 24th. Then he passed away on May 29th. My thoughts and prayers are with you and anyone else whose mate has Alzheimer’s. It is hard to watch
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Yours and Linda’s love for each other is a blessing to be cherished no matter the circumstances. You are an example to follow.
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Thank you for this beautiful “restating” if the wedding vows. I follow the oath behind you. My husband if 62 years has Parkinson’s Dementia. We also lived our life in a Methodist Parsonage.
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Happy Anniversary Bishop & Mrs Carder!! Love you All!
Sent from my iPhone
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Thank you Claire!
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Bishop Carder, your devotion and love for your Linda is an inspiration to us all. Through you we know the joy of unconditional love and care you have for Linda. As you said once, she is still there and I rejoice that she is
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Ken, as you’re learning in ways you never planned or wanted that there’s a deep and silent stream of intimacy that enriches Linda and you, no matter how well it’s expressed, or not. May this be a most memorable anniversary for you both. Thank you for sharing all that you do.
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Yes, “a deep and silent stream of intimacy. . .”
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So very beautiful!
Continued love and blessings, even in the midst of pain!
On Sat, Jun 29, 2019 at 11:24 AM Shifting Margins wrote:
> kennethcarder posted: “Wedding anniversaries are times of celebration of > shared commitments, treasured memories, and common experiences. But what if > disease has erased the shared memories and eliminated once-treasured > experiences? How does one celebrate something that is no lo” >
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Your eloquent words so richly express what both hearts still feel and share. Love and blessings to you both. (Have always loved the picture you included!)
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The picture was taken at Sheri’s wedding in the Concord sanctuary, a sacred space of many memories!
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Your loving words are perfect for all of us to remember..some of us will need these words in the future. You are a stabilizing force..God bless you both.
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Thank you, Linda!
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Blessings for you both!
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